Coinemon-Gotta Collect em' All
by Gadgetguy
Summary: Join Joe Collectum' and Bushachu as they travel across the planet of Piscies Arody in search of Coinemon, a decent bakery, fame, and the true meaning of commerce. A must read for Pokemon fans AND haters. PG-13 for a few curse words. Episode 2 soon. Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

Why Coinemon?  
  
I decided I wanted to make peace between adults and children on the issue of Pokemon. For your information, I am a Pokemon fan in the idea that I have played and enjoyed, at one point, the games due to my addiction to RPG's. I am not a Pokemon fan on the perspective that I am disgusted by the commercialism of the product, and how the great game of Tetris Attack was defaced by senseless amounts of advertising from a bad anime show (Well, at least in America. I hear they're foul-mouthed, grog-swilling rebels in the Japanese version.). Anyway, I figured in other for parents to stop thinking that their kids were on crack, I would have to find a common ground. That's easier than it sounds. There are only two things that adults love: money and collectable money; sorry kids ("Little Billy has Brain cancer!? So what? There's a silver dollar that looks like Bob Hope!"). So I created the story of Joe Collectum to make parents as mindless as their kids are. I'm doing this for the youth; not because the audience would gross more than 10 billion dollars. Our story starts in "Can't Do" a nation off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the "Fruity Archipelago" (If this makes no sense then check the names of the islands on Pokemon.). We arrive in "Wide Range of Colors displayed in a Chart" Town (Another reference to the names of places in the Pokemon world). Joe Collectum, a pathetic excuse for a human being, starts his journey to collect all 793.5 Coinemon (or at least until a week later when they release more "Commemorative Ultra-Rare Collectable Coinemon" for a weird reason like they wanted to put a picture of a cow on a wheat penny."). His hopes are to become the greatest Coinemon Master ever. Armed with only his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's doomed.). So join him on his heart-warming journey that involves nothing even remotely cool because we have censors that have boards up their *Explicative word that proves my point about the censors* . Cue the horribly written (by 12,000 Monkeys) theme song that nowhere resembles real music, obviously sung by N' Sync. **Girls come in screaming**  
  
I am, the very best.  
  
I always knew I was.  
  
To collect them, my selfish quest.  
  
It gives me such a buzz.  
  
The show's plot is rather lame,  
  
But from commercialism you can't hide.  
  
These Coinemon will bring me fame.  
  
Money is my pride.  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Coinemon!  
  
Gotta Collectum.  
  
It's me and me.  
  
NO COINEMON PARA TI!  
  
Coinemon!  
  
Money's my best friend,  
  
Your brains we can offend.  
  
Coinemon!  
  
Gotta Collectum.  
  
If you're feeling blue,  
  
Money will help you through.  
  
All for me, and none for you.  
  
Coineeeeemmmoooooooonnnn.  
  
Gotta Collectum all,  
  
Gotta Collectum all,  
  
COINEMON!  
  
Narrator: Welcome to the world of Coinemon, a group of mystical creatures… I mean, plants… NO MINERALS… WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS SUPPOSED TO BE! I mean they're just STUPID COINS! What kind of retard buys this shit anyway!? Are you people crazy… THIS IS NOT IN MY CONTRACT!  
  
Director: Actually, it is. It says you will do anything and dance too.  
  
Narrator: I believe that contract requires me to prance.  
  
Narrator: **Looks at contract. ** ………………curses. Foiled again. Just do the damn show!  
  
Director: FINE!  
  
Narrator: …and I want to see prancing…NOW!  
  
Director: **Grumbles** Alright, you stupid jackass. This job doesn't pay enough. I should've gotten a union job.  
  
Title Screen Voice: **Stupid music cues in** Today's episode. Neo Pre- Genesis Renaissance Post-Rebirth Augmented Miniscule Introduction Anti- ending Antes de Conclusion No es terminar a todos The word that is used to describe when a vacuum tube was used in computer 5.5 billion years ago before real life or the big bang for fascists you are a pusillanimous pompous egocentric oologist of a proctologist I bet the doctor slapped yo' mama damn this is way to long Did you notice I spelled to wrong every journey ___ with one step the opposite of what I think we'd all like to see happen to N'Sync…  
  
Or…  
  
Beginning.  
  
Narrator: Anyway, as I was saying. We start out in the mythical world of Coinemon. These hunks of metal are revered by Coinemon Collector Masters as wondrous creatures. The rest of us think their loons, but we enjoy watching them anyway. Our hero is Joe Collectum who wishes to become the greatest Collector Master of all time. Armed only with his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's totally screwed). He will meet friends and go through hardships, but he will obviously never mature. He lives in the small town of "Wide Range of Colors listed on a Chart" on the island nation of "Can't Do" off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the Fruity Archipelago. Let us watch him while I try to kill my agent for this job.  
  
Joe: BOY! OH BOY! I'm 16 today! TODAY'S THE DAY I BECOME A COLLECTOR OF COINEMON! I'M EITHER IN JOY OR THE WRITER ACCIDENTLY HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY!  
  
Writer: Oops…  
  
Joe: Anyway, I must decide what Coinemon I will start with. Will I choose Quartersaur, Dimemander, or Nicktle? WHO KNOWS!? Actually, none of the above because I wasted five months doing this same dialog every day and by now I have chance in hell of anything. YEAH!  
  
Narrator: So, our hero, armed with his Soulsaber walks up to the demon's lair. He craves to spill evil's blood. He knocks on the gate and a lightning bolt strikes the castle tower. He dodges out of the way, but he's too late……..Oh wait. That's a story you would have actually cared about. Nevermind. Anyway, Our hero walks till he sees a peculiar man in a lab coat. He seems confused. Our fool/hero walks to see if he can relieve his confusion.  
  
Labman: Where the hell am I? Did I get zapped into an alternate dimension again.  
  
Joe: Hi.  
  
Labman: Hi. Can you tell me where I am?  
  
Joe: Yes.  
  
Labman: Well…  
  
Joe: Well, what?  
  
Labman: Can you tell me where I am? I haven't landed on the planet Alpha Nime again, have I?  
  
Joe: Alpha Nime? Where's that?  
  
Labman: Oh good…  
  
Joe: This is Pisces Arody  
  
Labman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Joe: Can you tell me how to get Coinemon?  
  
Labman: WHAT!? Coinemon?  
  
Joe: Coinemon from Doctor Wood.  
  
Labman: Doctor Wood? Sounds like a porno star.  
  
Joe: How do I get them from him for free.  
  
Labman: What? OH! Thievery, huh? I guess I owe you for telling me where I am. Here take this laser. Point it at Doctor Woody…  
  
Joe: WOOD!  
  
Labman: Whatever. Just aim it at him and say, "GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU" and add an explicative word in there.  
  
Joe: Oh thanks. What's your name? Mine's Joe Collectum.  
  
Labman: Look this is too weird for me. I need to find a dimension transporter before I kill myself.  
  
Joe: BYE STRANGE MYSTERIOUS PERSON I WILL MEET AGAIN!  
  
Labman: What? Meet again? What do you mea- **falls down deep hole in ground**  
  
Joe: Now to get my Coinemon. I wonder what this Laser thing does.  
  
Labman: **From hole** Damn…I just gave a laser to an idiot. What was I thinking?  
  
Narrator: What? You know where he's going.  
  
Joe: GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU EXPLICETIVE WORD IN THERE!  
  
Wood: What? **Looks at Laser** HOLY SHIT! Take whatever you want?  
  
Joe: I just want a Coinemon, Doctor Wood.  
  
Wood: What? Another one? Look! I'm running out of collectable coins. All you kids keep mugging me. Take my last one, the commemorative Bush Coin.  
  
Joe: WOW! It's so cute! A $5 BUSHACHU!  
  
Wood: Uhhh…You kids are freaks what are you doing with these things anyway?  
  
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Thunderbolt hits everyone and they would normally die, but this is a bad cartoon.**  
  
Wood: How did it just do that?  
  
Joe: Bushachu is electric type.  
  
Wood: You mean you shoved it in an electrical socket?  
  
Joe: NO! No no no no no! Well…yes.  
  
Wood: Just get what you want and get out of here.  
  
Joe: By the way, what does this laser thing do?  
  
Wood: You don't know? Maybe I should just take that from you.  
  
Joe: Why?  
  
Wood: It's a laser.  
  
Joe: What is that?  
  
Wood: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.  
  
Joe: If no one tells me, I will never know.  
  
Wood: No. You'll learn it on TV just like everything else. Just like how you learned to shove metal objects in electrical sockets and that you should always cover yourself in tin foil and stand on the roof in a thunderstorm and scream, "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"  
  
Joe: Oh. **Pushes button and incinerates Lab** COOL!  
  
Wood: Get out!  
  
Stupid kids' voices: Who's that Coinemon? **a circle appears**  
  
Commercial Man: You've seen the show. Now, you must buy the merchandise. We have Coinemon cookies, Coinemon Cars, Coinemon fake crap, Coinemon Video games, Coinemon caramels, Coinemon toys, Coinemon toys (The other kind), and the amazing Joe Collectum costume. Why would you ever want to buy this crap? That is at astronomical prices! Well, if you don't buy $1,000,000 in merchandise, you'll never see your children again.  
  
Other Commercial Guy: Most of our audience is too big of losers to actually have kids.  
  
CG: Oh. BUY IT ANYWAY! Your souls are at sake.  
  
Other CG: They sold them for one tape of Anime.  
  
CG: Okay….SEVERE MEDEIVL TORTURE WILL BEFALL YOU!  
  
Other CG: Have you met our audience? They're so nerdy that they experience it daily.  
  
CG: I WILL KILL CARROT TOP AND PAULY SHORE!  
  
Other CG: Go ahead…  
  
CG: uh………..  
  
Other CG: Think of something.  
  
CG: I WILL GIVE YOU REALLY NASTY WEDGIES AND NOOGIES!  
  
Other CG: **Holds hand in head.** Just forget it, okay?  
  
CG: REALLY REALLY NASTY NOOGIES!  
  
Other CG: He won't shut up unless you buy our merchandise. **Crowds rush in**  
  
Stupid kids' voices: **Circle appears again** IT'S………shaped like all the Coinemon so who cares? Uh. It's Bob. Bob the Coinemon. Yeah. That's the ticket. **Coin appears with Bob written on it.**  
  
Narrator: Having gained his first Coinemon, Joe sets off to start his journey. There is a crowd outside, and Joe sees his Rival, Hsa Ole. He runs to go see Hsa.  
  
Joe: Hsa!  
  
Hsa: WHAT DO YOU WANT ASSFACE!?  
  
Joe: What Coinemon did you get?  
  
Hsa: I got a cool one. You'll never know though.  
  
Joe: C'mon. You can tell me.  
  
Hsa: NO! PISS OFF!  
  
Joe: Pretty Please.  
  
Hsa: Stop it!  
  
Joe: PUH-LEEZE!  
  
Hsa: I can't tell you because we have to make a cliffhanger that will end up being more of a running gag that pisses people off.  
  
Joe: Oh. So you got the $5 Gore Coinemon, huh? COOL! Can I see your Gorem?  
  
Hsa: **Looking shocked** WHAT!? It's not a Gorem!  
  
Joe: Yes, it is.  
  
Hsa: NO IT'S NOT!  
  
Joe: It is too.  
  
Hsa: IS NOT!  
  
Joe: C'mon. We all know it's a Gorem. Wanna see my Bushachu?  
  
Hsa: HA! Bushachu. My Coinemon could beat it.  
  
Joe: That's not what the 2000 election said.  
  
Hsa: HE WON THE POPULAR VOTE!  
  
Joe: I knew it! You have a Gorem!  
  
Hsa: I didn't say anything.  
  
Joe: You're blushing. YOU OWN A GOREM! YOU OWN A GOREM!  
  
Hsa: Uh…You suck. Smell ya later dumb ass!  
  
Joe: What a friendly guy!  
  
Mom: Joe!  
  
Joe: Who's that?  
  
Mom: It's your mother!  
  
Joe: Uh…  
  
Mom: What? Afraid to be seen with your mom in public.  
  
Joe: You're not my mother.  
  
Mom: Oh! Too embarrassed of your mother, eh?  
  
Joe: NO! You're really not my mother.  
  
Mom: Yes I am.  
  
Joe: No. You're not. You're a crazy lady from off the street. You can't be my mom. You're 17!  
  
Mom: Don't be silly.  
  
Joe: POLICE!  
  
Mom: Anyway, I packed you some underwear in your bag. Here are your gloves and your hat.  
  
Joe: How's you get my underwear?  
  
Mom: I love you sweetie. See you when you get back. **runs off**  
  
Joe: What's with her? Let's see. A Coinemon League Cap and a pair of…pink gloves!? What the hell is wrong with her? I probably don't wanna know what's in this backpack.  
  
Narrator: PLEASE BE A BOMB! PUH-LEEZE BE A BOMB!  
  
Joe: A Lifetime supply of Tapioca Pudding? Oh well. Might as well keep the backpack.  
  
Narrator: One explosive. That's all I ask. One explosive.  
  
Joe: I might as well go fight my Bushachu and collect some Coinemon. Now to just get Bushachu in its collectable case. **tries to cram Bushachu in**  
  
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Bushachu thunderbolts everybody but no one dies because Joe is still holding the Tapioca pudding and it acts as a resistor in a strange act of polarization in the climate and thus does nothing.**  
  
Joe: I really should stop jamming Metal objects in electrical sockets.  
  
Narrator: Where did he even get an electrical socket outside? It makes no sense! Anyway, Joe goes to a field. WHOOP DEE DOO!  
  
Joe: What Coinemon is that? I better pull out my talking Coinemon Collector Guide.  
  
Collector Guide: Pinny. This Coinemon is the most common of all Coinemon. It is so common that only a someone like you wouldn't know what it is. It evolves into Copper Pinnyotto and Wheat Pinnyot. I might also add that you smell, and that's an accomplishment considering I can't smell. This message will self-destruct. 3….2….1  
  
Joe: Uh oh!  
  
Collector Guide: BOOM!  
  
Joe: AH!  
  
Collector Guide: Gotcha!  
  
Joe: Stupid thing. I must try to capture Pinny. Bushachu! GO!  
  
Bushachu: ………  
  
Joe: ATTACK!  
  
Bushachu: ………  
  
Joe: DAMN IT!  
  
Commercial Guy: Little does Joe know, but we've replaced his regular mouthwash with Mierda. The only mouthwash that smells like….  
  
Other CG: Don't tell them. Besides, the commercial joke for this chapter was over a long time ago.  
  
Joe: If Bushachu won't attack, then I'll fight the Pinny with a rock.  
  
Narrator: A ROCK!?  
  
Labman: **still in hole** A ROCK!?  
  
Wood: A ROCK!?  
  
Mom: A RUBBER CHICKEN WITH A FLAMETHROWER!?  
  
Viewers: GET ON WITH IT!  
  
Narrator: Joe throws the rock, and the Pinny gets pissed. As it comes out of the shadows, its not a Pinny, but a…  
  
Collector Guide: One and a half-cent Speoin. It's pissed. **sarcastically** Oh gee! How could I have ever made that mistake? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Joe: Oh shit!  
  
Speoin: SPEOIN!  
  
Joe: How do you pronounce that anyway?  
  
Speoin: SPEOIN!  
  
Joe: Thanks. That clears it up. BUSHACHU ATTACK!  
  
Bushachu: ………  
  
Joe: Uh oh!  
  
Narrator: So Joe is beaten senseless and grabs his Bushachu and runs. He jumps in the water and falls off a waterfall; hopefully hitting rocks on the way down. He sees a girl fishing with a bike, but does not grab it because we don't want to get sued for being too close to the actually show. Suddenly, an unknown assailant fires at Joe's leg and he falls to the ground. I could get to like this show.  
  
Joe: OW! Who shot me?  
  
Narrator: **whistles** So, Joe tries to reason with Bushachu while a nearby traveler overhears his conversation.  
  
Joe: Bushachu help!  
  
Traveler: Bushachu?  
  
Joe: You're talking again. THANK YOU BUSHACHU!  
  
Traveler: BUSHACHU?  
  
Joe: GO FIGHT THAT SPEOIN!  
  
Traveler: BUSHACHU!?  
  
Narrator: So, Joe throws Bushachu in the air ,and, by chance, a lightning bolt strikes Bushachu out of no where and fries the Speoin.  
  
Joe: You saved me Bushachu!  
  
Narrator: Before Joe passes out, he sees a metal circle fly across the sky over a rainbow.  
  
Joe: That must be the Coinemon that we'll avoid announcing what it is for a long time to keep people watching just to see what it is. UGH! **passes out**  
  
Traveler: Hello? Are you okay? **pokes him with a stick** Oh well. Guess I have to take him to the Medical center in "The Color of Good Quality Eye Cheese" City.  
  
Narrator: Will Joe survive? Will Bushachu ever get in his case? Who is the traveler? What fate will befall Joe? Will I get a better gig? We'll never know the answer to some question, but the others will be explained in the next episode of Coinemon. Now the Coinerap! WHAT? That's it! WHERE'S MY AGENT!  
  
Idiot: All right kiddies. Time for the Coinerap. If you know the words, sing along. See if you can Rap them all. GO!  
  
Rapper: Want a pickle? Double headed-nickel! Don't slam the door! Quartersaur. Luann Hampton Laverty Oberlander? It's a'gonna be Dimemander. God bless you! BUSHACHU! Don't you holler! HALF DOLLAR!  
  
Idiot: That's great! 788.5 more to go!  
  
Rapper: WHAT!?  
  
Idiot: At least 793.5 to see. To be a Coinemon Master would be nifty.  
  
Rapper: No no no. I'm not putting up with this. YOU TRY RYHMING THIS CRAP! Do it yourself!  
  
Idiot: Uh………………BYE KIDS! 


	2. Enter Team Inflation

Coinemon: Episode 2  
  
Author's Note: A Flat  
  
Author's Thoughts: I would like to state that all Coinemon merchandise is on sell in the lobby. This is a purely fictional parody that explains the magic of commerce, and nets me some major cash. I would like to state that this is meant as no offense to the Pokemon series… Okay, it is. This is a complete mock-up. If you haven't read the original (which shouldn't take too long), go read it now. This episode is brought to you by your local Coinemon Retailer, where it costs you nothing to buy our merchandise, but your soul. Cue the NEW horribly written theme song by 12,000 monkeys on typewriters sung by N'SYNC.  
  
What doesn't rhyme with Hamster?  
  
COINEMON!  
  
Bet'cha can't go and collect,  
  
Just one!  
  
Money makes me, really hep  
  
All the merchandise has sold.  
  
But I lost it, in a bet,  
  
'Cause I had to friggin' fold.  
  
If I can make it, once again,  
  
Back to what I've found.  
  
Had gamers hooked across the land,  
  
Turn a game to a show's my plan.  
  
We all dwell in a Coinemon Hell,  
  
I bet you're gonna, get tired of this song.  
  
We all dwell in a Coinemon Hell,  
  
Gotta be a rich ass prick,  
  
'Cause it's the only way I'll get chicks.  
  
What doesn't rhyme with Hamster?  
  
COINEMON!  
  
Bet'cha can't go and collect,  
  
Just one!  
  
We all dwell in a Coinemon Hell,  
  
I bet you're already, tired of this song.  
  
COIN-E-MON!  
  
Narrator: "What doesn't rhyme with Hamster?" What? Did the 12,000 monkeys go on strike?  
  
Director: No. Their typewriters broke.  
  
Narrator: Well, then who did you use to replace them?  
  
Director: 13 Elephants.  
  
Narrator: 13 Elephants!?  
  
Director: Well, they kept breaking the keyboard, but they are willing to work for peanuts.  
  
Narrator: You know that puns like that are liable to get you shot.  
  
Director: Don't make me use my prancing clause against you.  
  
Narrator: FINE! But couldn't you let someone else write the song?  
  
Director: What? N'SYNC!?  
  
Narrator: Right. Bring on the Elephants.  
  
Title Screen Voice: **cue annoying music** (v.) To move into another area, usually via door. The opposite of exit. + (n.) Noun to describe a unified group, often working together for a common goal. + (n.) What politicians blame a bad economy on. A rapid increase in prices. + (punc.) used to indicate an exclamatory statement + A bologna sandwich and a deranged ferret.  
  
Or…  
  
Enter Team Inflation!  
  
Narrator: As we last left Joe, he was being carried to the hospital by a strange traveler in "The Color of Good Quality Eye Cheese" City. He join the "action packed" **rolls eyes** adventure at a inspection booth.  
  
Traveler: Uh… Hi.  
  
Officer Amy: Hello there.  
  
Traveler: So…  
  
Officer Amy: What?  
  
Traveler: Can I get in?  
  
Officer Amy: I guess so.  
  
Traveler: Okay.  
  
Officer Amy: Yep.  
  
Traveler: umm…  
  
Officer Amy: What now?  
  
Traveler: So can I?  
  
Officer Amy: Can you what?  
  
Traveler: Get in.  
  
Officer Amy: I already said yes.  
  
Traveler: So when are you going to let me in?  
  
Officer Amy: When you ask?  
  
Traveler: I asked.  
  
Officer Amy: Asked what?  
  
Traveler: Can I get in?  
  
Officer Amy: I SAID YES!  
  
Traveler: I know, but you still haven't done it.  
  
Officer Amy: Done what?  
  
Traveler: Let me in.  
  
Officer Amy: You don't have to be pushy.  
  
Traveler: It was a statement, not a command.  
  
Officer Amy: What is?  
  
Traveler: LET ME IN!  
  
Officer Amy: I SAID NOT TO BE PUSHY!  
  
Traveler: THEN ANSWER MY QUESTION!  
  
Officer Amy: Which one?  
  
Traveler: When will you let me in?  
  
Officer Amy: When you ask to come in.  
  
Traveler: I already did!  
  
Officer Amy: Did what?  
  
Traveler: ASK TO COME IN!  
  
Officer Amy: I'm already in.  
  
Narrator: That's it, I have to butt in here. How long does this argument last? **grabs script** 92 pages!? How the hell do you go on for… oh. I see, it starts to loop into Quantum Mechanics and the meaning of life. Wow! I never would've looked at it like that… Unfortunately, we're on a 30-minute time slot, so we'll have to cut that part out. So, we skip to scene 28 where the argument has ended. Where the Traveler figures out that "can" and "may" mean different things.  
  
Traveler: Now that we've established that you and I do indeed exist according to the Boolean principal, you MAY let me in now, and by now, I mean the moment the synopsis reaches your brain and reacts, and not philosophical now.  
  
Office Amy: Actually, I can't.  
  
Traveler: **Anime Fall** Why not?  
  
Officer Amy: A vicious band of Coinemon thieves has attacked our city, we have to question all passer-bys to see if they're members.  
  
Traveler: That seems fair.  
  
Officer Amy: Are you ready for the inquisition?  
  
Traveler: Sure.  
  
Officer Amy: Very well. Answer me these questions three, dare the other side you see.  
  
Traveler: Ask the questions Booth keeper, I'm not afraid.  
  
Narrator: **sarcastically** Oh, this joke hasn't been overdone.  
  
Director: At least she doesn't ask him if it's his final answer.  
  
Officer Amy: What is your name?  
  
Traveler: Can't you read the little nametag to the left?  
  
Officer Amy: Where?  
  
Traveler: ( there.  
  
Officer Amy: I don't see it.  
  
Traveler: It's the little tag that says traveler. I'm a random traveler of little plot significance.  
  
Officer Amy: Oh, I thought you were saying that at the beginning of every sentence?  
  
Traveler: Where the hell did you get that idea?  
  
Officer Amy: Well, I'm saying Officer Amy at the beginning of every sentence.  
  
Traveler: You are?  
  
Officer Amy: Yes.  
  
Traveler: Why?  
  
Officer Amy: Can you think of any other way to delay the plot, and stretch out the episode count?  
  
Traveler: What?  
  
Officer Amy: Do you think that the plot of this entire show couldn't be explained in one episode?  
  
Traveler: Well that's true.  
  
Officer Amy: Glad you see my point.  
  
Narrator: The audience is still watching. Can we discuss this later?  
  
Traveler: Alright.  
  
Officer Amy: Good. I'll just call you A. Guy then.  
  
Officer Amy: What is your quest?  
  
Traveler: Excuse me?  
  
Officer Amy: Oops. Wrong question. Are you here for business or pleasure?  
  
Traveler: Uh… I've got a damn kid about to die here. Is this question necessary?  
  
Officer Amy: Unfortunately.  
  
Traveler: Uh… pleasure.  
  
Officer Amy: What? Are you a necrophilliac or something?  
  
Traveler: BUSINESS!  
  
Officer Amy: Oh, you deal with corpses daily, do you?  
  
Traveler: Republican!  
  
Officer Amy: Oh, okay then. Finally, are you a member of an organization trying to steal Coinemon from the people of the city?  
  
Traveler: Yes.  
  
Officer Amy: Go right through then. You're obviously not one of the thieves.  
  
Narrator: And so, the traveler head on with Joe in his clutches. Meanwhile, another person comes up to the inspection booth.  
  
Old Lady: Hello. I'm an innocent old lady and…  
  
Officer Amy: She's one of them! JUMP HER!  
  
Old Lady: I'm voting you off the island!  
  
Officer Amy: YOU ARE THE WEAKEST OLD LADY! GOOD-BYE!  
  
Narrator: We have reached an all new record low…… Seeing as 5 hours of surgery would be boring, we'll skip to when Joe finally awakens.  
  
Joe: Ugh. I feel like I was inconspicuously shot by the narrator and dragged to "The Good Color of Eye Cheese" hospital to be revived.  
  
Narrator: **hiding the gun** Wasn't me!  
  
Joe: So where am I?  
  
Nurse: You are in "The Color of Good Color Eye Cheese" city Hospital. I am Nurse Euthanasia.  
  
Joe: Euthanasia? Isn't that like a small Chinese boy.  
  
Nurse: That's Youth-in-Asia.  
  
Joe: What's the difference?  
  
Nurse: A needle and Jack Krevorkian's Book of Motivational Species.  
  
Joe: What happened?  
  
Nurse: You were shot.  
  
Joe: Owie! Wait! Where's Bushachu?  
  
Nurse: **holding a metal circle** He's right here. We healed him up too.  
  
Joe: Wait! I thought you were human doctor.  
  
Nurse: Well, we studied Coinemon, but you'd be surprised, the anatomy is essentially the same.  
  
Narrator: Suddenly, another nurse hands Nurse Euthanasia a clipboard with the results from a surgery on it.  
  
Nurse: Don't worry about it. It's okay if he's missing a spleen. He's got two. Now, if we'd have taken out a kidney, that would've been bad.  
  
Joe: **looking at scar on stomach** That's funny. I could've sworn I was shot in the leg.  
  
Another Patient: YOU AMPUTATED MY LEG! OH DEAR GOD! I'LL NEVER PLAY SPORTS AGAIN! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!  
  
Narrator: Suddenly, a girl busts in, angry and almost ready to kill.  
  
Girl: You stole my bike!  
  
Joe: No I didn't!  
  
Girl: Yes you did.  
  
Joe: Wait… then how do you have it?  
  
Girl: I found it damaged.  
  
Joe: Where?  
  
Girl: Next to the pond where I was fishing. Look at it! It's ruined!  
  
Joe: It looks fine to me.  
  
Girl: IT'S WAS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING! You fried it to a damn crisp!  
  
Joe: It is?  
  
Girl: YES! Look at it. I mean… oh… it's perfectly fine. Nevermind.  
  
Narrator: The giant needlessly big ass videophone rings in the main lobby.  
  
Nurse: Mr. Collectum. The Phone is for you.  
  
Narrator: Joe grabs the phone to reveal that the caller is…  
  
Mom: Joey!  
  
Joe: YOU AGAIN!?  
  
Mom: Is that any way to talk to your mother?  
  
Joe: But you're not…  
  
Mom: Quiet now. Are you wearing the fresh underwear I gave you.  
  
Joe: About that. It turns out that my underwear was tapioca pudding.  
  
Mom: And are you wearing it?  
  
Joe: uh…no. Not really.  
  
Mom: I'm ashamed of you! Going free-balling around town.  
  
Joe: WHAT!?  
  
Mom: Put on your underwear!  
  
Joe: What? Now?  
  
Mom: Yes.  
  
Joe: BUT IT'S PUDDING!  
  
Mom: Fine, but don't expect me to pay for your college tuition now.  
  
Joe: College? I'm 16.  
  
Mom: Your father had two PhD's in Coinemon sciences by the time he was your age.  
  
Joe: What father?  
  
Mom: You know.  
  
Joe: No I don't.  
  
Mom: Big guy.  
  
Joe: Doesn't ring a bell.  
  
Mom: Cycloptic centaur.  
  
Joe: Doesn't ring a bell.  
  
Mom: Defeated Godzilla.  
  
Joe: Look. What is this call about?  
  
Mom: I just wanted to see where you were.  
  
Joe: You don't know?  
  
Mom: Why would I?  
  
Joe: You called me!  
  
Mom: and?  
  
Joe: I'm confused.  
  
Narrator: Big surprise…  
  
Joe: How would you call me if you didn't know where I was?  
  
Mom: I don't get what you're saying.  
  
Joe: **sigh** I'm in COGQEC City Hospital.  
  
Mom: COGQEC?  
  
Narrator: The following is an important message from the author. "It has been decided that typing out the full name of the "Color of Good Quality Eye Cheese" city is taking too much damn time, and lost time means less funny. If you object, mark the box on your ballet that says, "I concede all civil rights, and DEMAND that I be wrapped in tin foil and thrown into a cage of wild prune-eating weasels, with chainsaws, in hula skirts." And now, back to Coinemon.  
  
Mom: oh. That's great! You're father was only at "Shineys" city by this time.  
  
Joe: Wait. Isn't that farther down the road?  
  
Mom: Oh, I guess it is. You're a loser son, and I'm ashamed of you.  
  
Joe: Are you disowning me?  
  
Mom: Yes!  
  
Joe: But I'm not your son.  
  
Mom: You're such a little smart-ass! You know that, right? I HATE YOUR LITTLE STUPID ASS! Anyway, I love you honey. I'll call you later. Bye!  
  
Joe: ……  
  
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUU! **Bushachu thunderbolts Joe to end the awkward pause, but a rip in time and space transports him to a dimension where he doesn't die**  
  
Joe: Oh well, I might as well call Doctor Wood and tell him about my discovery.  
  
Narrator: You know, for reading menial, little, trivial actions that you could figure out on your own, I don't get paid all that much. So, I think I'll let your imagination do this next part. **Grabs a magazine and reads it**  
  
Wood: Hello. Doctor Wood here. Doctor of Love and collectable commerce.  
  
Narrator: He IS a porn star!  
  
Wood: No I'm not.  
  
Narrator: Then what are you?  
  
Wood: A lonely, lonely man. All I want is someone to hold and call my own. A shoulder to cry on. Is that so wrong? IS THAT SO WRONG?  
  
Narrator: It is on a children's network.  
  
Wood: This is a children's network.  
  
Narrator: What did you think it was?  
  
Wood: Hell!  
  
Narrator: And this differs from a Children's network job because…?  
  
Wood: One has you work for the embodiment of all evil. The other has you shovel coal in a hot climate for all eternity.  
  
Narrator: At least you have a minor role.  
  
Wood: True.  
  
Narrator: Please continue.  
  
Joe: Hi Doc.  
  
Wood: You again! I told you! I don't have anymore "Coinemon" as you put it.  
  
Joe: That's okay. I have a great discovery.  
  
Wood: Oh really?  
  
Joe: Yeah! I saw that Coinemon on that banner behind you.  
  
Wood: **Looks at banner** What So-So?  
  
Joe: You know its name?  
  
Wood: Yeah.  
  
Joe: Anyway, I saw one flying over the rainbow, the rarest Coinemon ever.  
  
Wood: It's not that rare.  
  
Joe: A once in a lifetime sight of beauty.  
  
Wood: It's not all that uncommon either.  
  
Joe: I said to myself, "I have to catch that Coinemon, so I can be the greatest master ever."  
  
Wood: It's fairly common. They give them out at conventions like refrigerator magnets. I have three… Well, HAD three.  
  
Joe: So, it is now my quest to ensnare this mythical beast.  
  
Wood: Come to think of it. It's the second most common Coinemon around. More common than grass. They use them as pizza toppings sometimes.  
  
Joe: I want you to store my excess Coinemon and record my journeys.  
  
Wood: Not all that tasty, but it's cheaper than pepperoni and that God- awful pineapple.  
  
Joe: So are you with me?  
  
Wood: What? Oh… sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone.  
  
Joe: Okay. Bye.  
  
Wood: Stupid kids…One of these days I'll just take their necks and… **click**  
  
Narrator: Suddenly, two people bust in to break up the dialog.  
  
Person #1: Prepare for…  
  
Person #2: A PARTY!  
  
Person #1: because we are…  
  
Person #2: Two wild and crazy guys.  
  
Narrator: No, not those people. THOSE PEOPLE! The guy with the short red hair and the girl with the long blue hair.  
  
**Giant Explosion**  
  
Mystery Girl: Prepare for taxation…  
  
Mystery Guy: Without Representation…  
  
Mystery Girl: To protect ourselves from tax evasion…  
  
Mystery Guy: To steal the Coinemon from all you patients…  
  
Mystery Girl: To denounce the evil of lower prices…  
  
Dick: To fund all of our disgusting vices… Dick!  
  
Jane: Jane! Prepare to rocket with Team Inflation…  
  
Dick: We're sending this out to those funk masters across the nation.  
  
Jane: **now donning gold chains and ridiculously baggy pants**  
  
Prepare to meet the rap master beat,  
  
You cannot spell delete without elite,  
  
You think you can defeat my neat feats of peat,  
  
Well, take a seat while eat this meat,  
  
In the heat, without my feet,  
  
Your rhyming skills are just petit.  
  
Jane: Oh yeah! Well, bee bee bumble bee,  
  
Tell me where your wedding,  
  
You are blind if you can't see,  
  
My rhymes are better than Master P AND D.  
  
So, I say whee, as you take the fee to pee,  
  
I am not a he, or she,  
  
I am THE,  
  
Avast at ye, from me, to my knee,  
  
Jane: Gee!  
  
Dick: If I were British, I would drink…  
  
Both: TEA!  
  
Dick: To open a door, you need a…  
  
Both: KEY!  
  
Dick: All my responding e-mails are labeled…  
  
Both: RE!  
  
Dick: Team Inflation don't let the rhythm drop.  
  
Jane: Word!  
  
Nurse: That's just horrible!  
  
Traveler: REALLY HORRIBLE!  
  
Officer Amy: Really, really horrible!  
  
Narrator: I've heard better raps on the back of cereal boxes.  
  
Director: I'm not paying you to comment.  
  
Labman: **still in hole from last episode** When Bad Rappers Collide…  
  
Bushachu: Bushachu…  
  
Joe: I LIKED IT! **everyone glares at Joe**  
  
Dick: We're here to steal your Coinemon!  
  
Annoying Children: **metal circle appears** Who's that Coinemon?  
  
Narrator: Not this again.  
  
Reporter: This is the site of a horrible catastrophe that sent many people to the hospital today. At this location, a angry group of parents burned their children's Coinemon merchandise that they were forced to buy from two men who were best described as "Commercial Guy and Other Commercial Guy". Let us roll the tape of this tragic event. Warning: This footage may be too graphic for younger children.  
  
Parent #1: This Coinemon craze is destroying the basic principals we have taught our children. We must teach them love and non-violence. These principals must be taught through a hideously violent burning of the things we hate. I throw in my kid's stuffed Bushachu.  
  
Crowd: Yeah!  
  
Parent #2: Hail non-violence! DIE COINEMON SUPER BALL DIE!  
  
Crowd: Right on!  
  
Parent #3: For the children, I destroy my kid's favorite and beloved Coinemon video game.  
  
Crowd: Hail the order!  
  
Parent #4: I burn my child's Coinemon Gas Can filled with Coinemon Brand Gas!  
  
Crowd: YEA- NO! **explosion ripples through the camera**  
  
Reporter: **crying** It's just… too horrible. The Commercial Guys are now on the FBI's top ten most dangerous list. A reward is being offered for their capture. We now return to normal programming.  
  
Commercial Guy: Well kids, we reached our goal. You bought a billion dollars in merchandise.  
  
Other Commercial Guy: Thanks to your annoyance.  
  
CG: Now, for all our loyal fans, we're offering a great new offer. For only $30, you can get this little bouncy ball with a Coinemon in it. Now, buy it before we murder the owner of StarBu- **police bust in** Hello officers. Would you like to buy some merchandise. It's a steal.  
  
OCG: **under breath** for him…  
  
Agent: You're under arrest for selling merchandise in a free market to hypnotic kids and direct threats to customers.  
  
OCG: "We'll say that we'll take their souls," you said, "It's not illegal."  
  
CG: Alright kiddies! Buy our merchandise so we can make bail.  
  
OCG: If you weren't my brother…  
  
Agent: We're sending you to the worst place imaginable.  
  
CG: Hell?  
  
Agent: Houston. Hell is a dry heat.  
  
OCG: Nooooooo!  
  
Children's voices: **Metal circle appears again** It's uh… Bob the Coinemon! Yea-  
  
Enraged Viewer: THEY DID THAT ONE LAST TIME!  
  
Narrator: As we last left Joe, he was being attacked by the Ambiguously Gay Duo.  
  
Dick & Jane: HEY!  
  
Narrator: Quiet you! Anyway, what will Joe do, how will he triumph? **sarcastically** Like that's going to happen…  
  
Jane: Prepare to head to the Final Corral in the sky!  
  
Joe: That's nice! I like Cows…  
  
Dick: No! Prepare to buy the barn!  
  
Joe: I don't have money for that!  
  
Jane: Push up daisies.  
  
Joe: Daisies are nice too.  
  
Dick: Have worms crawl up your ass!  
  
Joe: That's an interesting idea. I'll have to try that sometime.  
  
Jane: Play the harp at Saint Peter's Gates.  
  
Joe: I LOVE MUSIC!  
  
Dick: Die!  
  
Joe: Like Tie-dye?  
  
Jane: Screw it! Let's battle!  
  
Dick: Go Ka-ching!  
  
Jane: Get em' Checkins!  
  
Spot: Inflationmon! That's me!  
  
Joe: Hey! You can't have three Coinemon out at once!  
  
Jane: Why the hell not?  
  
Joe: That's cheating. Cheating is wrong.  
  
Jane: **sarcastically** Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like some safety equipment too?  
  
Joe: Would you?  
  
Jane: No!  
  
Joe: Then I have no choice! BUSHACHU! I select thee!  
  
Bushachu: Bush?  
  
Dick: A $5 Bushachu? Ha! We only collect the rarest of Coinemon!  
  
Joe: Oh no! I'm outnumbered!  
  
Nurse: Call in the security division.  
  
Joe: Bushachu! I'm counting on you! Electric Attack!  
  
Bushchu: BUSHACHU! **thunderbolts but no one is hurt because the conductive materials in Bushachu cause a short in the plug**  
  
Dick: Did he just electrocute himself? By jamming a metal object into a plug?  
  
Jane: Yeah!  
  
Spot: I'll use inflation! **Spot the Inflationmon sparkles momentarily then causes the economy to fail**  
  
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUU!  
  
Joe: Oh no! Bushachu is worth less solid monetary value!  
  
Jane: Checkins, use your electronic value to get rid of the necessary for coined currency!  
  
Bushachu: BUUUUUUUUUUUSHHHHH!  
  
Joe: Bushachu!  
  
Dick: Ka-ching, hover and do nothing!  
  
Joe: Oh dear God! It's the worst attack of all!  
  
Narrator: I'm in a happy place. I'm not surrounded by idiots. I'm in a happy place.  
  
Girl: Since you didn't steal my bike, I'm going to nag you about it, until you pay me for the damages.  
  
Joe: Help me!  
  
Girl: We gotta use the Coinemon to fight.  
  
Narrator: And so, the Girl and Joe beat up old people for 15 consecutive minutes, taking their coinemon.  
  
Girl: Go Gold-redeemable-at-your-local-bank!  
  
Joe: It's not working.  
  
Girl: Of course, Gold-redeemable can only fight in a sea of loan sharks, like Los Angeles.  
  
Joe: Go Rustata!  
  
Rustata: Rustata? **goes back into case**  
  
Girl: Don't you know? Rustata is a chicken-shit Coinemon that can't fight worth a damn after level 10.  
  
Joe: We're doomed!  
  
Girl: We can't give up! Go Sepakutrode! **Sepakutrode kills itself**  
  
Joe: Bushachu… You gotta fight.  
  
Nurse: Finally, the security division is here. Get ready to use the Ion Cannons!  
  
Joe: Bushachu. Give them the best Electric Attack you can.  
  
Narrator: Unlike normally Joe sticks Bushachu into a nuclear reactor.  
  
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- **this goes on for five minutes** -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!  
  
**thunderbolts everyone, but no one is harmed, because it is a cheap special effect. However, the nuclear plant explodes, mutating school hamsters into giant monsters of destruction**  
  
Narrator: However, that does not matter, because the security division of the hospital blasts Team Inflation out the window.  
  
Dick, Jane, & Spot: Looks like Team Inflation is flying into the stratosphere agaaaaaaaaaain… **ping**  
  
Jane: Wait!  
  
Dick: What?  
  
Jane: How are we flying off into the stratosphere again?  
  
Dick: What do you mean?  
  
Jane: This was the first episode with us.  
  
Dick: But what about before?  
  
Jane: What do you mean?  
  
Dick: You mean you haven't accidentally flung yourself into the air before?  
  
Jane: No!  
  
Dick: Oh… Well… I haven't either then.  
  
Jane: You are such an idiot.  
  
Dick: Hey look! Our wanted poster inconspicuously flew into my face since this sequence couldn't be fit in earlier.  
  
Jane: What about it?  
  
Dick: THEY MADE ME LOOK FAT!  
  
Jane: Is your name hinting at something?  
  
Dick: WHAT!?  
  
Jane: Nevermind. I need to hike up my shirt so my abdomen is showing glaring.  
  
Spot: Let's pig out on fatty foods and not gain any weight!  
  
Dick: Still, that Bushachu is highly conductive. We should steal it!  
  
Jane: Why?  
  
Dick: Why? Why not?  
  
Jane: It sucks.  
  
Dick: So?  
  
Jane: Exactly.  
  
Dick: We'll follow them, and wait for the right time to attack.  
  
Jane: When?  
  
Dick: When? When the time is right.  
  
Jane: Is that an answer?  
  
Spot: Shouldn't we have hit the ground by now?  
  
Dick: Is that the forest of obnoxiously cute animals down there?  
  
Jane: Noooooooooooo!  
  
Narrator: A pansy male, and a prostitute. How did we get by with an E- rating?  
  
Director: Bribes…  
  
Joe: WE DID IT!  
  
Nurse: Suuuuuuure.  
  
Girl: Now pay up for my bike!  
  
Joe: Uh… **pays her nothing**  
  
Girl: Thanks! Bye!  
  
Joe: Well, I must leave now.  
  
Nurse: We hope to see you again!  
  
Joe: You hope to see me in the hospital again?  
  
Nurse: Yes.  
  
Joe: That's kinda rude.  
  
Nurse: I don't care. We need people to get hurt to stay in business. So, if you don't mind. Have a nice day and trip down a well.  
  
Joe: That's better! BYE!  
  
Narrator: And so Joe finally leaves the city.  
  
Joe: Wait! I forgot my Bushachu!  
  
Chorus: **singing** We're on the road to COGQEC city! We're on the road o the land of the gay, and we mean happy and not in a homosexual manner because we don't want to get sued.  
  
Joe: Got it!  
  
Narrator: And so, Joe left the city once ag-  
  
Joe: Damn! Forgot my backpack!  
  
Chorus: **singing** We're on the road to COGQEC city!  
  
Joe: I'm ready.  
  
Narrator: So, Joe le-  
  
Joe: Duh! I need pants!  
  
Chorus: **singing** We're on the road to COGQEC ci-  
  
Narrator: **beating chorus with a bat** SHUT UP! Stop with the song. And so Joe left off into the sunset. What journeys wait ahead? Find out on the next episode of Coine-  
  
Joe: WAIT!  
  
Narrator: DAMN IT!  
  
Idiot: The Coinerap has been canceled for this message of importance. Ahem… "Importance". Goodnight and remember, you may own all our merchandise, but we own your soul. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Traveler: That ungrateful bastard never did forgive me for saving his life. 


End file.
